Overcoming The Image And Comparison Traps

I don't know when it started, but at some point I started playing the comparison game. Along with it came its good friend "Image". Image and comparison told me that what matters is how something looks, not how it feels on the inside. And even if something happens that does feels good on the inside, it doesn't really matter if I can't make it look good on the outside too. An accomplishment that I'm so proud of only truly matters if I can share it on social media and it gets a lot of positive attention.

This turned into the idea that self-improvement is all about looking evolved, not necessarily doing the inner hard work to actually grow as a person. What matters is that I look calm and healthy on the outside, never mind the anger or grief I am stuffing down and refusing to deal with on the inside. As for following my dreams and enjoying my life, the key there is to do things that look good on Instagram (always compared to what other people are doing, of course). My focus became much more about how my life looked, and not so much about getting busy doing the things that I actually found fulfilling.

A few months ago, I started deciding I didn't want to play that game. To be honest, it wasn't as much of a decision to step away as it was a realization that I had forgotten about the game altogether. I was working a lot of hours in a job I loved, we had just moved into our new house, and I was too busy living my life to remember to hop onto social media. And without that feed constantly in my face, I started thinking about what I actually wanted, for myself, instead of what I thought I should want because it's what other people wanted. And then I started to feel guilty for not playing the game, or more accurately feeling like I should feel guilty, and maybe a little guilty that I didn't feel guilty (heaven forbid I feel comfortable with not playing the game) because the reality is I didn't miss the game. I didn't miss the algorithm. I didn't miss the comparison and the focus on image.

Instead, I started remembering what I loved. I started reading a lot again. In fact, picking up a book replaced picking up my phone. I started thinking about trips I actually wanted to take. I started to sink into the moments, instead of spending them figuring out how I could Instagram them. I remembered pieces of myself that I had forgotten, like what a badass my childhood self was. She didn't care so much about what other people thought, and was much more of a free spirit. Somewhere along the line, she got buried under people pleasing. It's hard to be a free spirit, focused on what you want and listening to your inner wisdom, when you're spending all your time comparing yourself to the image of what other people are doing.

I'm realizing how much power and freedom there is in connecting with your own inner wisdom, and following that, and by necessity disconnecting from what other people think you should be doing with your life, your body, or your relationships. I'm enjoying the excitement that comes from remembering my own dreams, and coming up with new things I'd like to do. I'm worrying so much less about what other people think of my life, and am focusing much more on what I think of my life.

Because here's the thing: there really are very few rules to this life. There are some guidelines, sure, like don't be an asshole. But really, the things that we think of as "rules" are actually made-up. Someone somewhere along the line thought that this particular action was a good idea, and got a lot of other people on board, and boom, now we have a "rule". But who says that original guy (I don't know if it was a guy, but it was probably a guy. No offense to the guys.) has the right to have any decision-making power over your life? Who says he gets to tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing? What business is it of his, anyway?

But we all got together and decided that this "rule" was a good one, likely because it meant that one group of people had the power, or could continue to hold on to the power they had already accumulated. And the truth I am starting to realize is that I think I am over letting my life be limited by some made-up rules that only exist so that one group of people can hold on to the power they have somehow acquired over my life. Power that I inadvertently gave them by agreeing to the rules of this game in the first place.

Not only do I not agree to the rules anymore, I don't even want to play the same game. By overcoming image and comparison, we can do what truly feels good to us instead. Let's make up a different game, one where everyone gets to make the decisions that are right for them, and we don't spend our time comparing ourselves to each other. Instead, let's focus on building each other up, supporting each other, loving each other, and being generally kind people to each other.

You in?