How To Deal When Life Feels Overwhelming

amyclark0615
Apr 1, 2024
4 min read

The alarm clock was cheerily singing away. I was hiding under my covers. My hand slipped out to turn it off, then quickly burrowed under the blanket again. I did NOT want to get up. I was exhausted. Not the typical "I'm a mom, my kids wear me out" tired.

I was tired of life.

My job was draining me; my middle child's special needs were a constant source of worry, not to mention requiring a level of patience normally reserved for saints; my daughter was still recovering from a traumatic experience over the summer and I was concerned for her emotional welfare; my to-do list was overwhelming me, etc. Even my creative hobbies felt like too much work. The load on my shoulders felt unmanageable.

I needed a break.

I was so desperate for a little time to clear my head, I scheduled myself a vacation day. Keep in mind, at this point I was still very much a workaholic, so me taking a vacation day was right up there with announcing I had a terminal illness. I sent the kids off to school, the husband off to work, and I went back home. I didn't do anything terribly special that day, but I allowed my mind to wander. I thought about all the things I was stressing over, and how hopeless it all felt, and suddenly it hit me. I knew exactly what my problem was.

It was fear.

There is so much in our world to be afraid of. In the previous month, I had read that the Earth is running out of food and clean water, children are dying in refuge camps, and people in our own backyards are being shot while innocently going about their daily lives. My own community had recently been rocked by the suicide of a local teenager. On top of all that was my fears for my children, and for the struggling families I served in my full-time job. It was all starting to be too much.

Fear can take on many forms. Sometimes it looks like anger. Sometimes we mistake it for sadness. Or resentment, or bitterness. Sometimes it can even cause us to shut down, and then it looks like exhaustion or indifference. Fear can make even the simplest task look like a mountain. Fear quietly steals our hopes, our dreams, our very happiness. We don't even see it happening. We think it's stress, or exhaustion, or anger over a particular situation. But underneath, it is a fear that something awful could happen and we can't stop it.

Our kids could be seriously hurt. Or killed.

We could lose our jobs.

Our relationships might fall apart.

People might leave us.

Perhaps the biggest fear of all is one that we don't really say out loud. The fear that this could be all your life ever is. The fear that when we look back on our lives, all we will see is a pile of dishes and bills and laundry, and nothing else. Sure, we raised happy and healthy kids, and that's great, but we didn't do anything for ourselves.

Don't get me wrong, if one day you are lucky enough to see your children grow into fabulous adults who are kind people and productive citizens, then you have much to be proud of. That is a wonderful legacy to leave behind. But what about us? Our dreams? Our hopes and fantasies for what our lives would look like? I don't think any one of us wants to die without realizing any of our dreams beyond having kids. Without exploring what else we could do.

Having and raising kids is a miracle, yes, but that is not all you were put on this earth to do. For one, we are meant to enjoy raising them, not be a barely coherent, stressed-out hot mess dragging ourselves from one task to another.

I know, I know, I can hear you telling me that the last thing you need is pressure to enjoy yourself on top of everything else you have to do. I get it. I do.

Here's the thing. This isn't meant to guilt you. I'm guessing you have plenty of that already. So just humor me for a second here, and stay with me. Enjoying yourself in your experience of life, parenting or otherwise, is not just another thing to put on your to-do list. It's a mindset change you can bring to whatever you are already doing. Enjoying the journey is seeing yourself as a complete person, with creative endeavors and hobbies and dreams of your own that are just as worthwhile as everything else in your life. Not limiting your identify to "parent" or "spouse" or "employee", or whatever other identities you might hold. You are also just you. A complete person all on your own, outside of all those identities.

But chasing those endeavors and dreams means being brave. Brave enough to face the fear that is holding you back. Fear of looking inside yourself. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. The fear that we might not be safe if we step outside of our comfort zones, as uncomfortable as they might seem to us. Our comfort zones might not feel good to us, but they are familiar and safe, and we don't know what's on the other side of them, and that is scary as hell.

But when we stop our mindless daily grind, and really look at ourselves and the choices we are making, we are gifted with a tremendous opportunity. For me, facing the reality of what I was afraid of allowed me to let go of those fears, and start embracing my life again. It wasn't easy or quick. It meant sitting with some feelings I had been running from, and breathing through them. It meant returning to rituals that ground me and help me feel steady and safe, such as meditating and spending time in nature. It meant taking some obligatory things off my to-do list, and adding things that just feel good. It meant prioritizing eating healthy, nurturing foods that keep my energy and mood up, rather than junk that runs my body down. And it meant saying no to things that I didn't really want to do.